You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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