Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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