If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
