Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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