Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
