Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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