we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
