u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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