I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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