I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
