I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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