Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
