:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
