i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
