Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
