I heard we made out
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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