I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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