some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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