I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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