Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
