heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
