This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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