Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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