Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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