well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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