Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
