I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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