I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
