Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
