Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
