Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
