Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
