God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he was CRYING into my vagina
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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