I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
