i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
