Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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