Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
