Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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