why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
