You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
