Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
