god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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