you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
