wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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