Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
