Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
