Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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