I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am one with the molecules
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
