Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
