escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
