I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
