That's intense
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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