Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
