Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
