Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
