I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
