I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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