We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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