After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
