what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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